Monday, October 31, 2011
Life takes me along
Some days I feel like this....
A stick in a stream being pulled along and trying desperately to avoid the rapids and rocks.
I thought of this example in the car one day when I was being the usual family taxi service, a responsibility I seem to be sentenced to for now. Don't get me wrong, I want to transport my children to the places they need to be and also want them to do some fun things too. I just feel like I am always last on the list of priorities.
I am my (now adult) special needs daughter's transportation when she cannot utilize the county's para-transport system bus. I hope to someday find a reliable person to take my place in this, if not all the time at least some of the time. It is a real tie down to my schedule and life. Please don't think I do not absolutely love her. Any parent of a special needs child knows what I mean.
Transportation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to responsibilities of managing her day to day life. It all takes dedication of a lot of time to run an organized life of a special needs child, no matter their age or stage of life.
Lots of my so called friends have proved to be "fair weather friends" and have decided they just can't understand what it is like to be in my shoes. I don't ask that. I just ask for them to listen, as I listen to their joys as well as challenges and sorrows with their own children and their own lives too.
Lots has been going on in my own life and in our house too.
I have gone on strike (again) with some household duties--I am only one person, after all-- but most of them seem to be un-noticed anyway.
We have had to do a major home improvement project- not by voluntary choice, I may add, and the timing is pretty bad.
I have been without my job since July 31st, since my boss suddenly died.
I have been without my uncle since he died. He was my boss.
I cared for him 5-7 days per week in his home for 5 years, also including being his driver and companion for all his transportation needs, and doing all his shopping runs by myself, alone.
I will tell you this: It is hard to have a relative as an employer too.
My only other uncle died just 5 weeks after my boss uncle.
I spent some treasured quality time with him in his last few weeks.
I miss them both so much more than I had ever expected.
Now that the frost is covering the neighborhood each morning, I realize that I did not even have time to use my clothesline this summer. Now it's time to stack the firewood closer to the house. The clothesline will be there next summer, waiting.
I find I am not such a fun person these days. I think of all the creative thoughts I had and things I did.
I will get back to all that some day soon.
Just not now.
Life is taking me for a ride down that stream, at a very fast clip.