Vintage photos are intriguing

Do you have a fascination with photos from times long gone by, before everything was instant gratification when it comes to a camera? I do. I study old photographs with the intensity of a chemist who seeks the answer to an elusive formula, like a botanist who located the rare flora surrounding him that no one knew grew where he now stood. You get the picture, yep, pun intended!!

 I have marveled over the faces of people never met. Often hundreds of years separate their life from my own. I wish their images could speak to me and tell the story of their name, what they did for happiness, where they lived and worked, their talents and interests, things they survived when they felt fearful, and all their successes. What is unknown to us today behind their moment in time that the camera shutter captured their life so that it could be a time-stand-still-for-eternity treasure.
Old photos are artifacts of society. Proof of existing. Endless fascination for me.

 I have been a seamstress since a young age, thanks to my grandma on my mom's side of the family tree teaching me and inspiring the fabric bug to spread its wings inside of my curiosity. She was the queen of mend and make do and save everything that can upcycle into new greater items. She was a creative homemaker before her time and would have been a social media sensation with her reinventing one ready to toss thing into another far better keeper, had she not lived in an orphanage as a child and on a farm as an adult and learned her ways and skills from the trenches of the depression era.

My other grandmother was from more privilege and opportunity and was busy from college age thru retirement birthing babies as a nurse, hundreds of them. She had two of her very own, one of them turned out to be my dad. She did some sewing in her busy life. In fact, I own a childhood photo of my dad and his older brother wearing corduroy fabric suits with knicker pants or knee britches (like what the mystery boy in the pictures below is wearing) and matching jackets. It must have been expensive fabric for the era and I am sure they were not allowed to play and be rough and tumble in the outfits. I am also sure by looking at the photo that the fabric was not easy to sew upon.

 When I look at these photos on this post I study the clothing and the people. I know what it took to make the design details on the dresses. Many of today's fashions have retained the same elements and we incorporate them into our modern day attire. Some sewing techniques are ageless. I find the patches on the girl's dress skirt to be interesting since they look to be not of the mended type patches, but instead a true accent which is unusual for the time period. The footwear, especially high button style shoes, are a source of interest to me as well but I would not want to be struggling in a hurry to get them on to be out the door for an appointment time deadline or other schedule necessity...yes, modern day friends, flip-flops are a person's salvation when in a hurry to 'hit the road'. I doubt people were in such a rush a hundred years ago to join the hamster wheel non-stop days' schedule like we have. Though, life of factory working before child labor laws and working a family farm for your livelihood came with its own pressures and deadlines.

 I'll bet this family was well to do as their clothing seems to give clue. Don't you often think about body language as well, with studying old photos? I do. This woman and young man seem to hold themselves with an air of confidence. The studio photographer was skilled at posing people but the people in front of the camera lens still give us clues as to how they felt being put into poses. Some people seem at ease and others seem out of their element and extremely uncomfortable. That comes through with body language and expressions on faces, whether photo developing was done in black and white, sepia, or color, regardless of the time period from which we observe the people.

 This vintage photo below is very tiny (as the wooden ruler shows for a comparison) and has foreign writing stamped on the backside. I believe it is German, though the writing is cut off a bit. I am not sure what their clothing indicates. Is it a religious order, a regional or cultural standard of dress, teachers, nurses? I am sure the standard uniform type repetition means something, without any doubt.

I continue to find photos that peak my curiosity and make me ponder many aspects of my own life and of theirs in comparing so much about the world and how each of us make a mark upon those around us. I wonder how this digital, password protected era will affect generations ahead of us when it comes to moments of ordinary days in pictures kept and pictures lost.

All of these photos are listed in my Etsy shop and you can visit them by clicking the photo Etsy area in the right margin of this blog.

Count down

 I am counting down the days till a birthday. I have found the months leading up to this event have brought many deep thoughts on life, analyzing what things mean the most to me. I mentally inventory things I have done and yet wish to accomplish and enjoy. It is the stuff that I thought I would have had opportunity to do thus far but not yet had the chance or time to that seem to most of all dominate my thoughts. I hope I can still do many of those things.

 I find I am a young-thinking person, I am younger in my imagination than the mirror shows me (although, many people swear I don't look my age. I thank them for the compliment... or the good talent of being a great liar!).

I was shopping the other day, with my daughter. I love to have one-on-one time with each of my 3 kids. She reminds me a lot of myself in many circumstances. And I swear it was just only yesterday I was her age at her same school. Really! I was on the hunt for new work shoes for me (boring, ugly ones- darn it!).  In one store we found a great dress for her. I like that she enjoys pretty clothes and pretty shoes, in addition to her fun casual wardrobe.

We also included a visit into a rather off-beat store that sells everything from pin-back buttons to novelty t-shirts to dresses to funky jewelry. It was at my request. I love almost every item in there and told her if I were 20 years younger I would buy nearly one of everything!!.... and she said "Wow Mom!, I would never guess you like the stuff in this store!" She did not say it in a way that she was shocked, but rather that she was happy I liked it!

She bought a dress, very unique and perfect for her.  I bought a dress for myself (which I wore already last night for a birthday dinner out) that is basic, pretty, and age appropriate in style for any young-thinking girl. I think dresses are a super wonderful part of a closet collection, especially when they can be worn for varied occasions. I love empire waist, hemline above the knee-styles.

 I ended up finding some (ugly) perfect for work shoes-- non-slip bottoms, comfortable to wear 9 hrs-on your feet, moving constantly --kind of a deal. My new job of about 6 wks' time has been a learning experience and fun too. I am back to full time work after not having that since last June. What an ordeal that was to live through. Finding you are wa-a-a-y older than your co-workers, and even your bosses too, is a sobering revelation. Middle age has its advantages. I have discovered many. What I have decided is this-- having accumulated more life experience helps me more greatly understand responsibility, prioritizing, and understand what is important and what really isn't, whether on the job or in every day life.

The resume/job search world has changed since my first days in the workforce. The days of face to face meetings and firm handshakes and a well appointed paper resume offered in person seem only an event that occurred in past history, now frequently replaced with fill in their online formatted one size fits all resume and see if a computer program decides to let you be worthy of further consideration or be dumped in the "sorry, no go" bin. My opinion is that many programs of weeding out inappropriate candidates only prove to weed out a certain amount of very worthy ones as well. Real life setting problem solving, strategizing, organizing, and budgeting is acquired through years of first hand experiences. That degree comes only with age, and some failure, and learning day by day to be better, and learn from mistakes. Some online resume applications do not lend themselves to showing complete attributes of one's skills and talents.

My blog used to be a place to sort out my thoughts and review my dreams for days and years ahead. I fell away from that for a time, many times over the years, since my blog started. Maybe this week I will (try to) get back to that, as I do my count down.

I found these ads for products I've used and loved at one time or another. I am a scent-driven person, and I can recall in my memory the way these items all fed that sense. The F.O. shampoo/conditioner was one of my all-time favorites and I used it on my long blonde hair until the product could no longer be found on store shelves. Wish it could come back like some of the retro soda pop brands that have made their returns for nostalgia. I would love that, I would buy a case worth!!

time to pull the batteries

What do you do with your time? Do you fill time with a balance of work and fun, needed activities and wanted activities? Do you live by your watch on your wrist, clock on your phone, clock in the car, or on the kitchen wall? I live by all of these... and the calendar on my phone and the calendar as big as my whole freezer door in the kitchen!!
Sometimes I watch little kids play and think about how time is nowhere on their minds. That is bliss. Why is it that when we are young we can't wait to be grown up? When we are grown up we find we are missing lots of what we left behind .... things we did not realize we had so nice!
I have a list on my refrigerator that reminds me of things I want to do.
One thing is --do watercolors. Painting.
That wish has sat on that list in just alphabet letters for far too long... time to take the batteries out of the clocks and fill the tabletop with paper and paints and water and brushes and pull up a chair!!

What have I done?

• recycled old book illustrations into craft projects
• disposed of (donated, gave away to friends) more magazines than I cared to count...only kept a stack of torn out interesting pages equal to about an inch, instead of piles and piles of mags!
• took down some collectible plates from the front hall, washed up in prep for selling
•  continue to look around at things in the house with new eyes, deciding what can go

What do I need to do?

• tackle my closet mess
• take more deep breaths and loosen my shoulders when I find myself tensing up
• make more Sunday meals that last as left overs throughout the week
• take longer walks and be more patient about waiting to ride my bike when the windchill won't freeze off my face

What do I want to do?

• watercolor
• purge more from my file cabinets
• decide on a color for my kitchen cabinets
• find out that the interview I have coming up is for full time work

changes

I have been looking through my old posts about my home and collections.
I think it is a good thing to chronicle the every day things in one's life, it gives perspective.
I have changed.
A lot.
My priorities.
My tastes.
My interests.
My expectations.
Looking at past snapshots of my home tells me a lot more than what is seen in the photos.
It reveals a lot about me... to me!

But on the surface, and as far as what is in the photos, this is what I find--
I have eliminated lots of things in my life mostly by choice, but a tiny few by other circumstances.
For example:
1. Two ugly blue plaid love seats (always hated those), gone. Same for ugly red and blue plaid couch from other room, gone. Both were inherited and they provided a place to sit and no more than that as an attribute.
2. Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls and related paraphernalia, also gone for the most part and what is left (about 5% of the original collection), packed away.

3. Dishes, dishes, and more dishes... all inherited and some dragged in the house by other means. Now given away, or donated to charity. Out of my life.

4. Teddy Bears and dolls, but SO much more to get rid of by a variety of means. Always hated the inherited Teddy Bears. Sorry. The dolls, well, way too many. and besides, the girls don't want all those when they are out on their own anyway. Both Teddies and dolls have a lot of emotional guilt attached to them as far as feeling obligated to retain. No more. The guilt curse must be broken. Saying is way more easy than doing. So much guilt of the money that was spent (not by me) on such a non-useful item.

5. Why is it that people ( some direct person in my family tree) felt that spending money on certain things was to be considered an investment for when the stuff came to be mine? I say it was foolish wasteful use of funds. There, I said it. The economy may have been different once upon a time, but I have 2 sayings to conclude this point.
First-- What things are supposedly worth and what people are willing to pay for them are two VERY different points of reality.
Secondly-- Having a lot of useless "valuable" things means you just have to leave more behind when you are homeless.
Don't get me wrong, I am not planning on being homeless. Just sayin'. Think about it, and I think you will agree. In the height of the foreclosure era do you ever drive through an unfamiliar neighborhood and see empty houses and lots of stuff out at the curb? Did they choose to move out of a rental situation and simply did not want all that to follow them to their new destination? Or was it that a well settled family who went through unforeseen unfortunate times and a home foreclosure and had to leave stuff they had (like the 4 kids' favorite games and trophies or family heirlooms from 3 generations ago) because they had just so long to pack what they could fit into their cousins' basement who was kindly enough to take in the family under their crowded roof until something better comes along? I think of this stuff. A lot of my kids' friends have faced this. It's sad.

6. In general, as I look at the past photos of my home, I see that I have lightened the load of thinking that everything that comes into my life, by means other than my choice, does NOT have to stay in my life...or home. I have begun to look at purchasing ANYTHING with a different mindset. I continue to struggle with lightening the load even more. Time is the main factor in this. Sorting is the process. Things need different categories, you know the drill... sell, donate, give away, keep, trash it. Sometimes I think it is easier to just bring in a dumpster like the ones they use when you get a new roof and grab a snow shovel and open a window, start scooping and chuck it all out. YES I AM EXAGGERATING... yet, you get my point.

7. There are many more specifics regarding changes about which items have been used, displayed, or stored within my environment, but the conclusion is... at this stage of my life, less is more. I am utterly and completely comfortable in other people's homes that have lots of furniture and knick-knacks (chatchkies), or paper build up (I will never be free from that myself!), or a lived in slightly untidy cluttered (yet clean) atmosphere. I am absolutely and completely 100% comfortable with that at other people's homes....just not mine...because to me it represents my own expectations with myself and what I want to accomplish for my life.

My family and friends all live somewhere in the middle between an episode of hoarders vs. a sterile surfaced, temperature controlled, air filtered bubble. I don't know anyone personally at either extreme end of that scale. I could never be comfortable anywhere that is an ultra minimalist-type home. I could never live that way nor could I feel cozy to sit for 5 minutes at a home that does live that way. You know the kind... 1)where there are no pictures anywhere, 2) no mail or bills sitting about needing attention, 3)no kid art gracing, maybe, the front of the refrigerator or displayed proudly somewhere prominently, 4) no blanket tossed over the end of the couch, 5) no dish or two waiting to be washed after Sunday brunch ( but if they sit one minute too long I go crazy), 6) no laundry waiting to be done, or 7)no trace of dust (temporarily!!)somewhere near the wood burning fireplace to write your name in along side a smiley face, or..... you get the idea, right?

Holiday Cheer

What Have I Been Up To?

• Trying to secure a job that fits. (failing miserably)
• Trying to tidy (3 kids, remember) and decorate the house. (failing miserably)
• Trying to maintain a smile so everyone can see the me they want to see. (failing?)
• Trying to put myself first on the list for a change. (or anywhere on the list, number 1,001 would be even acceptable)

What Do I Need To Do?

• Prepare, serve and hostess a dinner for family and friends.
• Be a wonderful wife, mother, and all the rest.
• Make it through another holiday season.

What do I Want To Do?

• Bask in the joy of observing anyone other than me, today, clean a toilet (or anything else) around here.
• Disappear for 24 hrs and see if anyone notices.
• Relax for any amount of time, do nothing for more than 30 seconds, not look at a calendar for a day, have no appointments for 24 hours...... in other words, BE SELFISH.

fairy houses (a re-post of an old story)

Being a stay at home mom used to involve more staying at home time when the kids were all younger. Now it is about trying to find the time to stay at home in between all the running here and there.
I admit I reminisce much too frequently over the good ol' days when we would spend a whole day out in the front yard under the tall, tall pines and "play fairy houses", as my girls always called it. They used the whole phrase as a verb instead of verb and nouns. Funny how a lot of their toddler language has stuck in our daily speech...to the point of me sometimes reminding them to not use our many, many little endearing phrases in front of the general public, lest we all be seen as some uneducated lot.

Click here for an old post about our wonderfully fun fairy houses, some of which are still standing today!!
We used to spend entire summer days out in the yard. Most days no place else we wanted to be and no place we had to be. Playing with no sense of the clocks of the world and dragging a blanket out in the soft grass under the cool cover of the shade trees. Piles of picture story books at our sides with many decisions to make over which one to read first or last.

Of course I remember that some days (all too many as I look back) the dynamic and mood of the day was lead along by E and her state of mind. Some days you could not win with her. The sky was green and the grass was blue and there was nothing anyone could do to change it.

We went to A2 as a spur of the moment road trip the other day and went to some of our favorite places and some news places too.

I was suddenly consciously struck by how many places we return to that remind me (no matter where we go in and around our town or out of town) of the specific melt down she was having that day. Believe me there are many! Yet, I am reminded that I never felt anger or loss of patience over the situation, but the pure agonizing heartbreak I felt for this smart, multi talented little child, little girl, young adult. My E.

I had no control over making the world right for her --or her siblings as their worlds were altered as a symptom of her symptoms.

Maybe today I will toss a blanket under the canopy of cooling leafed branches overhead and pile some picture books at my side and stack a few twigs to shelter a fairy or two and pretend that the clocks of the world do not exist--even if it is for a few ironic moments--and hope that the grass will be green and the sky blue for my E. today.

checking in

I have had a time of trying to find time for everything (mostly daytime sleep), with working my 3rd shift job (which I love !!!). Time is always a theme with me. Ongoing.
Lately, finding myself daydreaming of years gone by when the kids were young and we used to have blanket picnics in the yard and read books under the shade trees and blow bubbles and eat watermelon slices and watch the clouds move across the blue skies. *sigh*

What's new?
school is done for the summer for 2 of the kids
a 16 year old now with an official driver's license
an almost 20 year old with 2 jobs
an 11 year old with big plans for summer camp.

What I want to do:
* ride my bicycle even more
* rearrange my bedroom
* porch needs attention for the summer
* organize those papers on the computer desk that I don't want to have to look at but still need to retain and corral. Luckily it can be done with a great storage box covered with colored pencil looking bird art images on them that I found for $2 a few days ago. I do love bird art, especially when just $2

What I need to do:
* figure out why all my flowers I just planted are dying already
* repaint the mailbox
* take more clothes that are too big (yep, too big) to the Goodwill

Back....finally!

[ love this photo I took of my daughter and a surprising gourd from our garden ]

My computer, it seems, is somewhat of a senior citizen in the technology world. I could no longer blog as I once did. I could not install the needed updates that Blogger required to play on my own blog. Sad, really.

I had a lot to say. I wasn't sure what to do. When in doubt, and you are of a certain middle age, what should you do?....Ask the advice of a teenage offspring, that's what!!

Now it is all fixed and well, and now I am back. With a lot to say.

[ my stack of antiques travel cases filled with special keepsakes, I have since this photo ditched the one in the middle with no handle. ]

Things I have Been Up To:

* I lost 50 lbs in 5 months, my first goal, and so far a total of 54lbs

* loving my new job of about 7 months!!

* not getting much of anything done around the house

* learning to say "no" to things and people

* severing the umbilical cords to my children so they can become more independent

* surviving somehow on less than 5 hours of sleep every 24

* enjoying my new car

* trying to enjoy every minute of every day, as life seems to be racing past

* reading an interesting book

* celebrating another birthday

* feeding a bit of shoe lust with some purchases, I was very long overdue for a turn (life of a mom)...usually the kids get all the new shoes!

Things I want To Do:

* work in my gardens

* rearrange the furniture in my bedroom

* paint in watercolors

* draw my favorite birds in colored pencils

* achieve my next weight loss goal by August

* get rid of "material things" around the house with emotional guilt attachments

Things I Need To Do:

* sort through stuff around the house

* redo my filing cabinet

* detail the inside of my cars

* clean out my closet, lots of things are WAY too big to fit anymore!

* take stuff to the Goodwill

* take donations of books and videos to school

Life takes me along

I have been so very busy that I find I have been away from the blog for almost a complete month. I needed to stop in and type up some words.

Some days I feel like this....
A stick in a stream being pulled along and trying desperately to avoid the rapids and rocks.

I thought of this example in the car one day when I was being the usual family taxi service, a responsibility I seem to be sentenced to for now. Don't get me wrong, I want to transport my children to the places they need to be and also want them to do some fun things too. I just feel like I am always last on the list of priorities.

I am my (now adult) special needs daughter's transportation when she cannot utilize the county's para-transport system bus. I hope to someday find a reliable person to take my place in this, if not all the time at least some of the time. It is a real tie down to my schedule and life. Please don't think I do not absolutely love her. Any parent of a special needs child knows what I mean.
Transportation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to responsibilities of managing her day to day life. It all takes dedication of a lot of time to run an organized life of a special needs child, no matter their age or stage of life.

Lots of my so called friends have proved to be "fair weather friends" and have decided they just can't understand what it is like to be in my shoes. I don't ask that. I just ask for them to listen, as I listen to their joys as well as challenges and sorrows with their own children and their own lives too.


Lots has been going on in my own life and in our house too.
I have gone on strike (again) with some household duties--I am only one person, after all-- but most of them seem to be un-noticed anyway.
We have had to do a major home improvement project- not by voluntary choice, I may add, and the timing is pretty bad.
I have been without my job since July 31st, since my boss suddenly died.
I have been without my uncle since he died. He was my boss.
I cared for him 5-7 days per week in his home for 5 years, also including being his driver and companion for all his transportation needs, and doing all his shopping runs by myself, alone.
I will tell you this: It is hard to have a relative as an employer too.
My only other uncle died just 5 weeks after my boss uncle.
I spent some treasured quality time with him in his last few weeks.
I miss them both so much more than I had ever expected.

Now that the frost is covering the neighborhood each morning, I realize that I did not even have time to use my clothesline this summer. Now it's time to stack the firewood closer to the house. The clothesline will be there next summer, waiting.

I find I am not such a fun person these days. I think of all the creative thoughts I had and things I did.
I will get back to all that some day soon.
Just not now.
Life is taking me for a ride down that stream, at a very fast clip.

How to dress a thrifty chair

( My chair waiting to be dressed.)

The chair pictured above is my chair. I have 6 of them. They have been living with me for a few years. They were adopted from the curb of a rich neighborhood in my town. They looked so sad sitting there on the curb. I could see they had potential. They were so glad to come live with me. They have been dressed in many varying fabrics for their cushions.

By the way, the chairs have always been painted in a creamy white and they are kind of chippy which comes naturally at my house with anything painted around 3 kids. I was shabby chic before it was chic.

(My chair dressed in blue.)

I recently dressed them in some beautiful light blue faintly striped damask fabric. Lovely, but I am just not loving it right now in my home. Luckily the huge roll of beautiful light blue fabric was a $2 find at a garage sale so no kidneys were sold for the benefit of dressing the chairs.

Back to trying to decide what to dress them in... I am thinking of maybe some neutral fabric or pillow ticking possibly. I am yearning for a calmer neutral color scheme. I don't think I will do the light blue table theme this year and besides, the tablecloth might be handed off to live with someone else. Hey!, Maybe someone else will cut up the table cloth and make seat covers out of it?!
The best thing about fabric and seat covers is they are NEVER permanent. You could change them with the seasons or the days of the week.

If you have the time!

 I have been painting thrifty find furniture for years now and have been wanting to paint more of the pieces living with me. They have been begging, I mean patiently waiting, for a coat of artsy paint. But that all takes time. Time, my eternal theme in life.

clock as an enemy

Lately the clock has been my enemy. It ticks much too quickly each day. I need more tick tocks in an hour and in a day to do everything. Most people say that means things are simply over scheduled.

Simplify.

I like that word.

I have yet to master it.

People say to wait until you have grown kids. Then you have too much time and you wonder what you will do with all your time. Problem is, by the time my kids are all grown I will be too old to care. I thought having kids later instead of sooner was smart. It was smart for when I was younger. When I am older, not so much!

So here are some activities and thoughts that have been occupying my tick tocks of life.

1. We all survived a 12 week stretch of high school football season, which at our house means marching band season for my 14 year old daughter. Before that, we all lived to tell about 4 weeks of marching band camp. I have to say it went by super quick overall, and I actually had lots of fun. Wish I could have been at 2 places at once so I could have gotten all the other things done while also sitting in the bleachers being very proud and giving support. I somehow found the tick tock time to sew a fleece backed school colors patchwork quilt to use at the games. It will be an investment in the 3 more years of bleacher sitting that are in my future. I'll hint of frustration and let you stew about the stories of camera batteries that went dead at just the worst times or when the battery was charged all day long----- but left at home!! Maybe I can master the battery thing now that we are on to Symphonic Band for the rest of the year.

2. My oldest daughter E. (18) who has OCD and Asperger's at the high functioning end of the Autism spectrum is now a paid employee at 2 (yep, two!) places. It all happened in a short 3 week time period, after months and months of filling out piles of applications. I was so worried that she would not find a niche in the working world of people who actually get a paycheck (she has infinite volunteer hours under her belt). Let me be more specific--I knew she could but I was worried the world would not think so. Besides bursting with a universe size feeling of pride, I also now have added responsibility. *tick tock* Essentially it is like I am the one with 2 paying jobs (on top of my own paying job which can flex anywhere from 25-50 hours a week, and on call 24/7 assisting an elderly relative with Parkinson's and dementia). I am the transportation for my daughter. There's that need for cloning myself, again. Oh, and my wonderful reliable almost 15 year old car is still chugging along and has stopped counting how many trillions of times it has gone in and out of the driveway!

3. I am trying to pack away the Halloween decor and look forward to dragging out the Thanksgiving decor and on to Christmas. Here is how it goes at my house. The kids want it out. They dig and randomly succeed in making a mess of the decor by pulling favorites from the storage tubs. The rest just sits until mom takes over to do the rest. Thus, this is the year I am paring down and saving ONLY the favorites to be packed away for future seasons. The rest just takes up space -- and time! Here's a secret revealed=We have not had a Christmas tree in the house for about 4 years now. I was just on strike and didn't want to repeat the many years before when the kids wanted it ALL dragged out. They dug through stuff making a jumble of red, green and metallic but nothing really got accomplished as far as decorating the tree...and don't even get me started on the way everyone disappears when it comes time to take it all down and pack it away!! Soooo...I just didn't do a tree. It was guilt ridden tick tock time for a while but liberating too. The other day I announced casually that I want to have a Christmas tree. My daughter said, "Who are you and where is MY mother?" Stay tuned for the tick tock result of that promise on my part. Maybe my clone can do it for me. Oh, that's right, I don't have one. I need to sign up for a text alert to know when that is available....only I don't text. *Geeez*

4. I am threatening to pack away all the glass dishes, plates, bowls and cups and buy the cheapest paper products I can get my hands on. Maybe we'll get at least a month's worth supply of tick tock time saving on washing dishes. Sorry I won't be very "green" about saving trees and all, but it could be looked at it like this= I would be saving my septic tank/leach field from all the dish soap that is usually going into it in the "gray water" and I could put the used paper products on my compost pile to rot and be tilled into feeding my Victory Garden next summer. That's green. Now if I could just get my clone to do the weeding while I spend my tick tock time transporting a daughter who may, by then, be earning more than me because I am not at my job because I am using my tick tock time taking her or picking her up from her jobs in a, by then, full 15 years old car.

But...I may end up with even more pride in my pay employed daughter, some great photo memories of my musical daughter, less holiday storage tubs overall, free of dishes to be washed, a healthy organically grown garden, and maybe some extra tick tock minutes added to this old mother's days.

I hope my clone has a nice personality.

Time

I am a wife, a mother, an advocate, a helper, a speaker, a friend, a volunteer, a caregiver, and other titles which do not come with a full benefit package, and all mean I spend a lot of my days and time doing for others.

I will continue to do all those things. It is what I am made of.

Lately however, I find I am feeling somewhat resentful of time slipping away and the feeling that I am not able to do the things I want to do and the things I need to do for me. Sometimes I even want to have a block of time to do nothing. I never get that.

I have tried going on strike but I am a cog in a lot of wheels- some that come to a complete halt in my absence.

I do not mean this is a vain way only that there are people in need who need me. I find my brain does not shut off and as a result I do not rest even if I do sleep.

Do you ever feel starved for time to yourself? Some days I am not able to breathe a sigh of being "done" until 19 hours have passed by.


I know, I know...I just blogged about a vacation not long ago. But you mothers will agree that sometimes a vacation can be tougher than staying home and you need a vacation from vacation. I always say that I wish I could just get in a car with that "and away we go" attitude. There is so much little detail stuff, endless in fact, that needs to go into packing 5 people into a small car to travel almost 30 hours and be away for a week. Then there is the getting caught back up when you return. Whoa! That is even worse. I am still trying to get caught up.
I think I am just TIRED!!

my apparent cake curse

Flamingos and snowflakes?

Man, those northern-most Ohio people

are a little cuckoo!

I know that's what you must be thinking.

A. has always fancied flamingos since she was a toddler. It's one of those mysteries of parenthood, trying to decide where these attractions come from that your kids latch on to. We obviously have no live flamingos in Ohio, not even at our zoo! A. even collects flamingo Christmas ornaments.

I am endlessly amazed by how many different flamingo Christmas ornaments there are out in the world. Her attraction to these pink birds with backwards knees is even funnier because she likes to often pair them with her birthday which is in January. In OHIO!

Two days before her birthday this last week, A. made this cake. She likes to bake. I do not. Sorry, I just don't. I teased that she was baking herself a birthday cake. I half teased.
The night before her birthday as we were running around in the Mom taxi from this stop to that activity and all around town, I said we would stop at the local small grocery that has a nice bakery and A. could pick out any cake she wanted. She chose one with nice flowers and lots of pink. Surprise, surprise. Gee, I think that would go nicely with a flamingo or 2.

Silly Mom suggested that we make it more personal (and what else says "personal" than a store bought cake chosen from the slim selection on hand at 7:00 pm, bought in haste between scurrying around town, the night before a birthday?) by asking at the bakery counter if they could write her name in icing under the plastic pink "Happy Birthday" trinket.


Here is where my birthday cake curse started to take shape. I had this old feeling before, with N's last store bought "personal" cake, last August (from a different store).

We asked two very fine friendly looking young gentlemen behind the bakery/deli counter if they could simply add the name to this cake to make it complete. "It is her 14th birthday tomorrow!", I added cheerfully. The immediate invisible tension in the air made me wonder if A. wanted to shrink behind the nearby endcap display of toilet tissue to escape her hopelessly embarrassing Mom! Can you imagine? Honestly!

One young man responded truthfully, "I can't do that. I don't do that."

The other young man chimed in quickly, "I can do it. I have done it lots of times. See, the bakery girls leave at 3:30 for the day and then it's just us. We are meat cutters."

Oh dear, this is where I should have cut bait and ran to the checkout line with the cake as is, good 'nuf! But no! I let it all play out like some Saturday Night Live skit, in the presence of my extremely embarrassed almost 14 year old daughter.

The "meat cutter" says, "How about pink like the flowers?"

I respond, "Yes, perfect!" I am enthusiastically nodding my head and so is A. This could turn out just fine after all. Have a little faith, would ya!

After too much time has elapsed he proudly emerges from behind the scenes of the bakery/deli department and presents A. with the cake, again all enclosed in it's clear plastic clam shell domed lid. As he transfers it from his hands to hers he says,

~~[get ready, brace yourself]~~

"There. I did pink AND BLUE. BLUE like your coat!!!!"

We gazed at the top of the cake and our faces fell into a strange expression as we studied the name written first in pink and then over-written in blue.

WHAT?????????????????

There is no BLUE ANYWHERE, ANYWHERE else on that cake. Does he want her to wear her BLUE coat while she is blowing out her candles???????????????????

In his defense he did give me a HUGE hint of events to come when I handed over the very "personal" cake to him to alter. Remember? He did say, "We are meat cutters."

I only have myself to blame.

I should just bake. Simple. Done. I should JUST BAKE!

Here is why I have a store bought cake curse cast upon me from some karma devil. This has happened before. Before, I tell ya!

Last August, the night before N's 9th birthday I found time to run to a different store in our town to chose a "personal" cake for my one and only son. I had plenty of time. The store wasn't closing for another 20 minutes, after all. This will work.

I scanned the case of cakes waiting to be taken home to various parties by Mom's who dearly love their offspring, but apparently not enough to bake for them on their one day each year which bonds a Mother and child.

No no! Not one masculine looking cake of any size shape or flavor. Nothing without flowers. Nothing!

I explained in detail my dilemma--I inquired of the very nice looking friendly young man (with the hair net over his beard) if he could possibly write "Happy Birthday N." in icing on the top of any of these cakes and I could scrape off the flowers when I get home and smooth out the frosting. I was sure I could handle THAT! Come on, I'm not a total loser. I could even add a Hot Wheels monster truck or a macho guy action figure or something to "guy it up".

Mr. hair-netted-beard-man said yes, and so I eenie meanie minie moe'd one of the cakes and handed it off to him.

I had faith. He could do this. I could come through with a cake for N. that would be acceptable.

Well, after way too much time had elapsed (was he multi-tasking back there and sweeping up the floor? After all, it was getting closer to closing time) he emerged from behind the scenes clutching the cake in his proud little hands, handing it to me just as the voice that comes from the ceiling speakers announced, "Please take all your final selections to the check out lines as the store will close in 5 minutes."

I looked at the cake and my expression melted quicker than ice cream in August. Yes, he had skillfully written "Happy Birthday N."
....right next to the NEW BLUE FLOWERS he had painstakingly created in the same spot where he had scraped off the purple flowers.
UGGGH!!!!
Cake curse. Bad cake karma.
At least I was still N's hero because he was surprised by a new (nearly new hand me down) shiny red bike for his birthday.

Happy birthday A., my love. Your own flamingo cake was a masterpiece.
And besides, you have decided to have your party with friends in February. Maybe I have learned my lesson on store bought altered creations, and will bake for you.
Stay tuned for that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pearls of wisdom

(A. dressed in the "cool"

junior high school fashion, or so I am told!

Converse sneakers and striped knee socks!)

Do you ever throw little pearls of wisdom in the direction of your kids? I tossed some little lustrous ideas towards my A. in the car on the way home last night from the library.

It's her 14th birthday.

How can that be even possible that 14 years have passed? When she was born, it was 2 1/2 days of labor, ending with an emergency c-sec., to meet a sweet almost 10 pound baby...Oh, and a horrible ice storm.

Every year since then there has been a snow storm or ice storm either on the day of or the day before or after her birthday. Not this year. Nope. For the first time -as they would say on Mary Poppins- the winds are changing. I am not really talking about a weather report. It is more symbolic than that.

This year she is having even more fun with school and her group of friends and all their activities than ever before. But I feel the winds are changing. She is no longer a little kid, she is a smart young woman.

So here is how the pearls of wisdom conversation went in the car last night:

__________________________________

Mom: A., you will find that after 14, the time will start to go by faster now. I don't know why it does, but it does. Before you know it you will be 16 and then 18!

A.: And then 20 and then 50?????!!

Mom: No, it seems to slow down for a while in your twenties and thirties....But then yeah, it does speed up again. But I mean the time between 14 and 18 seems to really speed right by.

A.: **silence**

Mom: You are not a little kid anymore. You are a young woman. It is the best time in your life because you get to have more responsibilities than you do as little kid but you don't HAVE TO have the crappy responsibilities of being an adult.

my boy N., age 9 1/2 -annoyed voice comes from the back seat of the car: Yes she IS still a little kid!!!

Mom: No she isn't. Not anymore.

my boy N.: **silence**

Mom: All I'm telling you is make sure to have lots of fun in these next few years while you are 14, 15, 16, and 17. You'll find you spend the whole rest of your adult life wishing you could be those ages again!

A.: But I still have to do Algebra homework.

____________________________________

As a Mom, all you can do is throw those pearls in their general direction. What they do with them is their part.

**sigh**

Stay tuned for some birthday photos to come.

another year

(My collection of vintage record album covers with wonderful happy idyllic family scenes)

Another year of Christmas hullabaloo is done. Don't get me wrong, I am sure many new memories were made and all had fun. It's just that since I have been a grown up, and even more so since I've been a mom, it is all so different at Christmas time. Now I am the one in charge of the magic making. The one behind the curtain, like the great Oz. I admit sometimes it's tough. I want to be the kid again, observing the magic and believing.

I long for the feeling of being a child at Christmas time to rush over me again. That feeling is worth more than gold. When you're a kid you take it for granted or you do not even know you have it. But you do!


Yes, I enjoy the process of making memories for my own kids. I just miss the old days. That's allowed. That is why I surround myself with things and images that make me feel comfort, like these silly record album covers. They just speak to me.

(N.'s collection of nutcrackers, and E.'s hand made Mandela type snowflakes)

N. has always had a fascination with nutcrackers. He has received all these as gifts throughout the years. On Christmas day I took my Santas out of my red cupboard and put his collection and the little tree with his nutcracker ornaments on it up on top. He was so thrilled to see his collection displayed in a new place and the smile on his face as he stood there, and each time he walked by, said it all. I had just made a memory for him!! That's what it's all about.

(Japan elves, my hand quilled snowflakes, and a silk hankie with a perfect winter couple)

My Grandma had made in Japan elves like these. To look at them in my home makes me recall the cozy days at her house during the holidays. She did not decorate every inch of the house as many people seem to do in my generation. She decorated the living room. The room where it all happened. Everything. She had no family room or den. The living room was the place. It was decorated with an aluminum tree and color wheel, items along the fireplace mantle and on top of the big console TV cabinet. The cabinet was big, not the TV itself.

The decorations were perfect. Perfectly enough. I never thought to question, "Why isn't there more?"

(my kids decorate the doll house each year)

This December involves weeding out many of the decor items as we sort through it all --giving some away and donating some. I have decided to have the kids do more of the decorating next year, not just being in charge of the doll house. They will decide what is enough. The kids will make it their own and decide what to love.

( the kitchen window sill )

I also changed the window sill display on Christmas day. I do a lot of thinking at the sink in the kitchen in front of this window. I needed a change. I get bored with it quickly and easily. I was suddenly struck by the fact that I needed it to be Winter instead of Christmas in that spot. So some milk glass was moved here from another area. It feels better now. I can't explain why.

(vintage game boxes)

I am a big fan of games that families play together that require no batteries or electricity to enjoy, thus the fascination I have always held for vintage games. That and the fact that the color on the packaging and game boards is just different, bright and fun. The photo is a group that's sitting atop my corner cupboard. But I keep some of my kids' board games out of the game closet at all times, sitting ready for play, often rotating some out for new choices. A spontaneous game of Chutes and Ladders can bring a smile to me any time. I have found that if I open the box they will come!! They, meaning one of my kids or 2 or 3. More memory making and laughter.

( house ornaments)

My Mom was a collector of these house ornaments. Each one has the year marked somewhere on the house. On the back you can look inside to the 3 dimensional rooms. After she died I continued to buy one each year, often going without something in order to fit it's purchase into the budget. They are not horribly expensive but still a luxury, in my opinion. I did not buy one this year. Maybe someday I will be able to find one on line, since this is the first year I have missed one. N. looks forward to unpacking them and carefully taking the protective box inserts apart to reveal each one. He put them on the window sill in the living room this year. And yes, those are all my paper snowflakes I have cut by hand with no patterns. Some have been hung on the windows every year for 17 years!!

So another year of Christmas has come and gone. We have new memories and the comfort of decor from years before. We had a Christmas without spending money. B was off work for 8 weeks and we were without his regular pay. Every dollar I had squirreled away for emergency times like this had to be spent just before his surgery to put a new engine in my car. Talk about an unexpected expense! We make every penny count at our house and to be without regular pay you find ways to survive somehow. We were blessed to have many good friends and neighbors who helped to make the Christmas season one of fun for the kids. They brought gifts from Santa and seemingly unending deliveries of trays of home baked sweets and other food. We were even given a turkey for Christmas dinner.

Friends, family and memories. That's what it's all about.

So many plans, so little time...

Some vintage bits~and~pieces: playing cards, hankie, cookie jar, jelly glass, birthday candles, fabric dye pamphlet, books, train engine and caboose, cake toppers, yellow record, sheet music, album cover w/ red & white stripes, tin spinning top, wooden rocking horse.

I do not know where the time goes during the hours the kids are back at school. Between doing the chores and errands and appointments and job, it seems the clock jumps forward to the time the first of three consecutive school buses are due to arrive in the afternoon to bring my kiddies back to me. Then things get really busy! ... before I know it the clock says it is time to fall into bed and put my tired head on my feather pillow-- currently enveloped in a vintage pink roses oh~so~soft pillowcase.

Things I hope to share soon=

1. new bathroom painted floor

2. a flash back memory

3. a new favorite thing to watch

4. fun with words

5. a life lesson

Stay tuned for things to appear on this site, composed by me ... if I am lucky enough, I may discover I finally have a clone to do all my other responsibilities so I can just play all day long!!!

take time to color

I have a million things to do before tomorrow night's dinner.

I am ready for as few as 8 and as many as 13. No one seems to be able to pin down an RSVP to me this year. That's ok. I will still cook the same amount of food- a lot- because that's the only way I know to cook. I love to cook. Hate to bake. Know what? That's alright too. There are always plenty of bakers among our gang of friends and neighbors. Everyone has their own interests and talents to share.

The million things on the to-do list I have yet to do includes striving to create the magic of the Christmases I remember fondly from my youth. Oh yeah!...and cleaning the house. My favorite saying is "Trying to keep a house clean while the kids are still living at home is like trying to staple Jell-O to a tree!" I wholeheartedly agree. As I often say...my house is clean but rarely tidy. This week it looks like a winter tornado has gone through, what with the boots dripping melting snow and ice in big puddles, the wet mittens hats and scarves strewn along the hearth drying before the fire (FYI N., for the umpteenth time, gloves do not dry when you pull them off inside out with the fingers all bunched up!! Ugh!), coats that no one seems to know how to hang up...and do not even get me started on the toys everywhere. Wanna know a secret? I am actually giving N. a box of toys he hasn't seen for months since I packed them away and put them in "Time OUT" for not picking them up. I have wrapped the box up in Christmas paper. He keeps asking what is in that big box. "Must be something really cool" , he keeps saying!

{ my art}

Then there is all the stuff that came out of A's room months ago so we could repaint and redo her bedroom. The goal was to have it done and back together before Thanksgiving. I told her I would help her if she helped me. Well, when you are a few breaths away from 13 and active in EVERYTHING at school you just do not have time for silly things like doing something you promised your Mother!! So, here it is, past Thanksgiving and a breath away from Christmas and the things are still sitting (all over) in the family room, and on the glassed porch...

Honestly I am tempted to just leave the mess and let the guests (family and friends) see how we really live every day and not just how the house looks when Mom shoves everything in her bedroom at the last minute and declares that room off limits to guests! I told the kids my idea today and they just looked blankly at me and their brain gears were thinking, "Mom wouldn't really do THAT!"- I know because I am good at reading their minds, it's one of those instinctive Mom skills you acquire when they are each born.

{N's art -which I think is much better than mine!}

So what does all this have to do with my title to this post?

Well, in the midst of all my mental preparing to stage the house and make it look right for impending guests, N. asked me if I would color with colored pencils with him. I can not resist the call of my colored pencils

no matter how untidy the house may be.

So what did I do? What could I do?

I colored!

{The inside of N's card. Don't you love his "font"?}

We scanned N's art and made it into a card for my Uncle. This was what he did inside the card. I am Uncle's weekly and year 'round personal shopper. N. tagged along this time since he was off school for winter break. So, added to everything else, which was tugging at my time and hovering deadline, was doing Uncle's regular household shopping. Driving in the holiday traffic on icy roads in single digit temperatures and waiting in check out lines so long you wonder if you've aged while standing still for so long.

Hey wait!, that reminds me. I still have my own shopping to finish for tomorrow night's dinner!

Well, the coloring was fun, anyway!!

We have to seize these opportunities to make magical Christmas memories when ever we can.

Flash Back- memories of Grandma

My Baby Boomer memories of my Grandmas:

I remember my Grandma having both of these kinds of really neat-o things!!!Probably from the 1950- early 1960s era. Green plastic powder box from the time that powder was always bought loose and it came with a fluffy powder puff. Wow!... I can't tell you how many times I got in trouble for playing in that!!!! I always loved the cartoon- I think it was Bugs Bunny- when he kept yelling "Make-Up!" and the giant powder puff would deliver a huge cloud of whiteness. My Grandma had one of these on the back of her toilet tank and I could never resist opening it. Could I help it that my Mom could have easily gotten a job as a CSI and never failed to know I did it??!

Pink telescoping plastic travel type cup. Grandma always had one of these in her purse among the other Grandma goodies I was always curious about in her handbag or pocketbook as she called it. It holds water-or whatever liquid you choose- and then collapses so you can tuck it away with the lid. Ahhhh...What joys could be found in a Grandma purse. A soft hankie with dainty flowers that has been washed so many times it seems so thin you could see through it. When I kept on sniffling that always came out eventually, even though I always repeated "no" each of the five times I was asked if I needed to blow my nose. Sometimes Grandma would tuck one between her wrist and the band of her watch or the cuff of her sleeve. Grandmas are always good for a piece of gum. You know the stick of gum that has been in her purse since the Cuban Missile Crisis?

These items pictured are in my shop. UPDATE: These items have sold. THANKS!

Oh, and by the by (which is also one of my Grandma's

little ditties she was known for saying), the clock desk you may have noticed in my photos today, or previously at some point, may need some splainin' (as I Love Lucy used to say). It is an original creation of mine. It was years in the making!! I acquired this desk curbside and decided h-ll or high water (another Grandma saying) I was going to fit it in my car, even at the expense of needing to tie a kid to the bumper to get home (just kidding. Well not really. Ok yeah I am kidding). The desk (and all three kids) made it home safely INSIDE the car. The only thing wrong with the desk=missing one drawer handle and the top was pretty sad. I saved every watch and clock image I found in every magazine and catalog and anywhere else I could find them. Fast forward=I decoupaged them all on top and coated it with uber (my teenage daughters' word, not Grandma's) amounts of varnish. Then just to be extra safe I topped it with a rounded edge piece of glass that just happened to be the right size that I found (serendipity) somewhere along the line in my curbside travels. I get many comments on it-- not all nice or positive, some include the words therapy and crazy-- but I love my clock desk!!